OK, I wasn’t actually interviewed for Vanity Fair. But a co-worker of mine asked me to fill out a questionnaire for a lunchtime activity. It’s apparently a series of questions that appear in the popular periodical.
Here are some excerpts from the titillating interview:
What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?
It will occur on August 14 when the Black Eyed Peas play the Scottrade Center. Thankfully, I’ll be vacationing in the Pacific Northwest, which is far away from that wretched musical group.
Where would you like to live?
Depending on how my August vacation goes, perhaps the Pacific Northwest. If it goes poorly, probably somewhere in Florida.
What is your idea of earthly happiness?
Going to a karaoke bar with tons of friends, waking up somewhat late the next morning and going for a nice run on a gravel trail.
To what faults do you feel most indulgent?
I sometimes get impatient when a karaoke rotation is too slow. I sometimes get really into insignificant things, like the Simpsons, Degrassi: The Next Generation or the video game Rock Band.
Who are your favorite heroes of fiction?
Since I consider professional wrestling fiction, I would go with the Celtic Warrior Sheamus. I like him because he often kicks John Cena in the face. I also like Ignatius from A Confederacy of Dunces, and Garp from The World According to Garp.
Your favorite virtue?
Your favorite occupation?
Hot air balloon racer.
Your most marked characteristic?
Probably the dark-rimmed glasses and a monotone voice.
Who would you have liked to be?
Not Tiger Woods, anymore.