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The day Will.i.am took my money

Well, even though you're the worst lyricist in the history of mainstream music, OMG is a catchy song. Congratulations, Will.I.am. You now have $1.29 of a iTunes gift card I received for my birthday. Now please go away.

I’m pretty sure that I’ve made clear of my distaste for the Black Eyed Peas. The group has created songs with some of the most awful and poorly written lyrics in the history of popular music.

As the group’s chief songwriter, Will.i.am is responsible for polluting popular culture with awfulness like “My Humps” and “I Gotta Feeling.” He even had the audacity to appear in a commercial with Bob Dylan, which implied – quite unbelievably – that the two artists were comparable. Well, there’s a class studying Bob Dylan’s music at Indiana University. They may break down Will.i.am’s songs at clown college. Or stripper college.

Anyway, Will.i.am recently teamed up with Usher. Usher, of course, has been consistently popular for awhile now. He’s sold millions albums by releasing smooth songs with sexual overtures. He’s one of the better pop singers out there. So you would expect a collaboration with Will.i.am would fail miserably, right?

Yes, of course it did. I mean, how can anybody take ownership of stuff like this:

This was something special. This was just like dynamite.
Honey got a booty like pow, pow, pow.
Honey got some boobies like wow, oh wow.
Girl you know I’m loving your, loving your style.

Or this:

Fell in love with honey like my, oh my
Honey looking wonderful; fly, so fly
Honey like a supermodel; my, oh my
Baby how you do that, make a grown man cry?

I downloaded it anyway. Why? Because I had an iTunes gift card. Which means technically, I gave Will.i.am money for a song that he was on. I feel dirty. I can’t justify the purchase.

In the end, even though I am clearly a better lyricist than Will.i.am, it didn’t matter whether I made a stand against him. He’s going to sell songs.

But it’s all right. Everything is all right. The struggle is finished. I’ve won the victory over myself. I loved Will.i.am.


About jrosenbaum

Jason Rosenbaum


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